Humble Homemaker

I have a question for all you granola munchers out there.

I used to make yogurt a lot, a tradition which fell by the wayside as soon as I realized that I was expecting my third child. I'm ready to pick it up again, happily, but I have a question about the process that the Internet seems at a loss to answer for me.

In every set of directions I find, they recommend heating the milk to 180 degrees and then cooling the milk to 110 degrees to add the starter. I understand why you would want the temp at a certain point for the starter, but why would one heat the milk to 180 to begin with? If I am using store bought milk I wouldn't need to pasteurize it, so what is the point? I don't get it.

If any of you know why I would need to do this, can you please enlighten me? I would love to know!

Countdown

My brother's in the army. Have I ever told you that?

Technically, he's a full-time supply sargent in the National Guard, but I guess that's army enough, so I'll just say he's in the army. I'm not very familiar with the world of the military so you'll have to forgive me any slip-ups in jargon or understanding for a little while. I know enough to know that BDUs are not underpants and that they are tan now instead of green.

In a week he'll be leaving for a chunk of training so he'll be ready to go to Iraq. We've known about it for a while, but I haven't wanted to say anthing for two reasons: 1) I hoped the government would changed its mind about sending him and 2) my brother tends to be rather reserved and I often say too much of the wrong thing where he's concerned.

But he's going now, so he'll have to wait a year to lecture me if he doesn't like what I say.

I don't hate that he's going and I understand why he'd want to go. I wish he'd picked a job as a dentist or an insurance adjuster instead, but I've long ago realized that he is a different person from me.

He is reserved to a fault (I'm really glad he told me he was leaving ahead of time instead of just sending me a postcard from Dubai) so he doesn't always tell me the stories of things that he's done or seen. One of the hardest things about this deployment (ha! I do know some military words.) is that he will be adding another layer to his life that he won't talk about.

I wish I could go with him and see the things he sees, but the chances are very good that I would only get him in trouble by saying or doing something stupid. I hope he tells me about his time there, though.

He's going with his best friend and this makes me feel so much better. I am so glad that he won't be there alone. I felt this way when he got married--I was so glad that he had someone who would know when he was sick and who would make sure he took care of himself.

So, we're doing the countdown now. I'd like to see him before he leaves, but my dad said that we shouldn't make a big deal out of it because it would just make it harder on him. I'm sure he's right, but I think it will be hard for him either way and I'd like to shake his hand before he goes. I know he's just doing his job, but it's a brave thing and I'd like him to know that I respect what he does. At the very least I'd like to offer him some advice. Like never go with a strange man on a camel, even if he does offer you lentils.

Well, I'm sure that this will all be over soon and that in thirty years or so it will all be a distant memory. I'm sure that I can be a big girl for a year. I know that at least a couple of you have had loved ones deployed for long periods of time. Is there any advice you would give him as he prepares to leave?

The Short List

I'm still pregnant! And I've hit the 25 week mark. Good news, indeed, though there is still a very long way to go.

I was brushing my teeth this morning and it occurred to me that I could be brushing my teeth at that hospital sink for the next two months. For some reason it struck me as an impossible amount of time. I can imagine being here through the weekend, but it seems amazing to think of how long I could be here by the time the baby arrives. I suppose if I were to spend that whole time brushing my teeth it would seem longer than it has to. Oral health is important, but you could carry a good thing too far.

In any case, I bring an offering to you today. Peter came by last night for a visit and we had a chance to compile a Short List of potential baby names for the Peanut. I'll preface this list by saying that Peter is an impossible person to name babies with. He usually rejects most names and of the names he'll agree to add to "The List", many of those don't make a second cut. But then, if I bring a previously rejected name to the table a second time, he'll profess an affection for it and it will be put on the list. Naming children with Peter is not for the faint of heart. Luckily, I think our situation is sitting heavily on him so he was able to put himself to the task of sorting names with more seriousness. We have an uncertain amount of time to fool around with this. I think that we may have an actual list.

So without further ado:

Baby Names

Girls

Nora (I've loved this name for a long time and I think Peter might finally be warming to it)
Eleanor (gotta love the historical/fictional background)
June (this is Peter's favorite, I think)
Charlotte
Beatrice (nothing cuter than a little girl called "Bea")

Boys

Henry
Carl
Joseph (I have some concerns about having a Thomas and a Joe--one full name and one nickname, but if we go with it, I don't think that the asymmetry will bring the house down)
Leo (a previously rejected name that Peter now likes. we have some friends with a Theo, but I think this will be ok)

So, I feel better now. Even if I don't have a lot of time left to ponder these names, at least we'll have something manageable to choose from. Certainly it's better than 35,000 Names for Your Baby. However, I think that I still have a few weeks to consider my possibilities. With so many people remembering me in their prayers, how can I have anything but hope?

The Good News Is. . .

I'm still pregnant.

The baby turns 25 weeks old on Thursday, which is good news, too. And I'm still pregnant.

Complete hospital bedrest is a strange thing. I get to stay in bed all day, watch what movies I like and have people who bring me glasses of cold water. I've had a healthy portion of company most days (those are the good days) and I get plenty of peace and quiet. But it's driving me a little crazy that I have to be here and that my children are missing me at home. I wish there was some way I could make this easier for them. I wish I could make it easier on Peter.

That said, I am strongly hoping that I get to be pregnant for a long, long time still. I honestly cannot imagine what it will be like after five, seven, nine more weeks of this strange new life, but for now, I've got one week down already. If I can keep from getting an infection, I will have many more weeks to go.

I'm hoping that tomorrow night Peter and I will have a little quiet time to go over all of your excellent Baby Name Suggestions and that I will get to post our List. I really appreciated all of your thoughtful ideas. I can't wait until we have a solid short list of names to think about!

Bring Home Baby List

I have been gradually realizing over the past few days that I am not ready for a new baby yet. Surprised? Don't misunderstand me--I have the little socks and sleepers and the infant car seat as well as a crib, tiny cloth diapers, and a changing pad. But I realized yesterday that nothing is ready yet!

The baby clothes and diapers should be rewashed and brought upstairs, I still want to knit a baby hat for the wee one, and I really should get some long sleeve onsies and t-shirts (preemies use these a lot). This is a lot like the dream where you show up to prom in your nightgown. I'm trying not to panic because no matter when the baby is born there is likely to be at least a short stay in the NICU for him or her and I can prepare things then. But I still get a little worried because I'm not able to be home to do any of the preparations for our impending arrival now.

But all of the little chores that are on my Bring Home Baby list are nothing compared to the item at the top of this list, the only thing that really should be done before the baby is born. We need to pick out a name.

Sure, the cloth dipaers and little sleepers can wait. What does the kid need for the first few days besides a little gown and one pack of disposables? But right after your baby is born, the first thing the nurses ask is "So, does the little guy have a name yet?" Am I supposed to say NO? And then how long do you take to decide? What if a WEEK goes by and your baby still doesn't have a name? This is how kids get named "Precious" or "Goober".

I'm not even sure where to start. We've had a hard time getting even a modest list of names to materialize. Also, I'd like some time to think of a name and live with it for a while. I don't want to have the baby, name it Sparkle (hey! works for a boy OR a girl!) and realize a month later that Sparkle is a stripper's name. We've had the name Eleanor on the list for a while and I like it, but I don't know if I can live with it. Every day. Maybe I'll never get past the "old lady" feel it seems to carry around the edges. Beatrice poses some of the same problems. How about Penelope? There is so much I love about this name, but maybe it's too exotic for a child growing up in the Midwest. Or maybe it doesn't fit with Thomas and Anna's names. Thomas, Anna, and Penelope. Hmm. I am riddled with indecision. We have some names on the list, but there aren't any that jump up and grab my attention in a perfect, pearl-like way. The Boy List is another issue. Instead of a list of names I love 3/4 of the way, I have a list of NOTHING. Ok, we have two names, but, again, I love them 3/4 of the way.

So, what do you think? Want to help name a baby?

If you like, you can give me some of your ideas and in a couple of days I'll post a list of some of our picks. After that, we'll talk some more. It's a Baby Naming Summit Conference and you're all invited. You may dress informally.

If you'd like help with your suggestions, you should know that we like names that are more traditional. Kylee or Harlee probably won't make the cut. Despite the conservative nature of Thomas and Anna's names, we do like names that are more unusual like Beatrice, Penelope, Violet or Maeve. BUT, if it is unusual I like to avoid something that could end up being trendy-ish. This is a concern for me with Beatrice--could Beatrice, in five years, be the next Olivia, Sophia, or Amelia? All of this is subjective, I know, and I'll tell you now that we need more suggestions than less.

Thanks for your help! I hope I won't need to have a name ready for another 9-10 weeks still!

A Little Light on the Matter

So, maybe this will shed a little light on why I've been feeling cramped in our house lately.
Baby Nuevo #3 is nearly 12 weeks along right now. I realize it's a little early to announce, but P is about to post on his website, so I figured that I should do the same. It's about consistency.

I've tried to think of a clever way to break the news, but I think the placenta has eaten my brain cause I've got nothing.

We wanted this baby, there was a lot of anticipation, but now that it's upon me I've been riddled with the same apprehensions that I had when I was expecting Anna. Does anyone ever expect a baby without worrying how it's going to work out? Now that we've started to tell people I've been more excited than anxious and I've been able to get caught up in everyone's excited expectations. It's been a nice change, emotionally.

And even though I've waited a while to share the news here, you can feel free to consider yourselves lucky. You've missed weeks and weeks where I had little to share apart from how tired/sick/sore/sick/nauseous/sick and anxious I felt. Hopefully the next few weeks will bring less whining and more rejoicing. Truly, I think this is why people "advise" waiting before sharing the big news--It's not the difficulty of sharing a disappointment, it's to spare casual acquaintances the burden of hearing about how tired and ill you feel. I'm sure P wishes I'd waited until now to tell him, too.

So, as we all eagerly await early November (seriously--all of my pregnancies have been due the same time of year), let's get together and pick out some baby names. P and I are stumped. At this point I'm considering Harry. Works for a boy or a girl, right?

Size Matters

Lately I've been feeling cramped in our house. We've lived here for over eight years and I don't remember ever feeling so penned in.

We bought our house when we had been married less than a year. It felt unwieldy then. The two of us rattled around wondering what we were doing with so much space. We hoped to fill it up with a few children, so we enjoyed the space while we could.

Thomas came along and our house grew a little smaller. We still had plenty of space, but our house was starting to feel like a better fit. One of the rooms upstairs went from being an office to a nursery and everything was great.

Then Thomas grew and little Anna came along. The last office disappeared and Thomas was moved from the nursery into the bedroom next door. Our den/guest room on the main floor turned into a playroom and the house started fitting a little more snugly.

I know that this house is going to feel smaller before it starts to feel bigger again. The kids will start taking up even more room as they grow and develop new interests. And in truth, by modern standards, this 1959 home is on the small side. But we don't want to leave. Financially, this house is a good fit for us, we like our neighborhood, and we have friends nearby.

We aren't a family that is prone to clutter, though the kids create storage difficulties of their own. Our basement is full of out-grown clothes that will once again be useful. Small children seem to require some amount of variety in the toys that are available to them, particularly when they spend very little time absorbed in videos.

I keep wandering around our house trying to figure out what I can get rid of to create some more space in which to live. I eye our little upright piano speculatively ("Perhaps they could learn to play the violin instead?") and I make routine passes through the toy room to weed out underused playthings. I try to discard any kitchen accessories that don't get used regularly.

What else can I do? What are some of your space-making tricks?

Exercise

So, I have a question for the Internet.

What constitutes "exercise"? Really, what is considered health-promoting exercise and what's just messing around?

I'm wonder if I'm actually getting any.

I love runners. I totally admire the kind of crazy that takes a person out in freezing cold or blistering hot weather to run and run and be in pain. Even the indoor track runners are a marvel to me. They look so uncomfortable, like they are in total misery, but still they continue to run around and around the same, dull indoor laps. I can tell they are getting exercise. They are sweating, their faces are twisted into tight grimaces, and they are red all over.

I will never be a runner. It isn't that I haven't tried, because I have, but I just can't get over the misery. It doesn't feel good. I feel so miserable after attempting to run that I need to have ice cream to help myself recover.

I like to walk and hike. I don't mind spending a half hour on our elliptical glider. But I want to know if these things count as exercise like running counts. Or vigorous swimming. Or cross country skiing. I don't need to be a sculpted Apollo; I'd just like to be healthy and live to be eighty. Or ninety. I can go for an evening walk with P and the kids and I don't feel sore. I feel like I've gotten out, enjoyed the fresh air and moved around a bit. After a half hour on the elliptical, I feel tired, but energized and refreshed. I'm even a bit sweaty. But I don't get on and work terribly hard. I'm not out of breath and I'm taking a relatively easy pace. I try to enjoy myself. I feel better the next day for having done it.

What about you? What do you do for exercise? Does it sound like I'm getting any exercise at all or do I need to work harder?

Cooking the Compost

Here's a really useful thing I've learned to do: make my own vegetable broth.

My sister in law, Rachel, has elevated cooking vegetable broth to something like neuro-science with variants that produce beef-like effects or chicken-like effects. She will often caramelize onions, add seasonings, or include extra vegetables to produce some desired, pre-designed result. This is wonderful and admirable. I aspire.

But, bless her understanding heart, Rachel taught me the bare-bones basics of constructing my own homemade vegetable broth. It's so simple that I thought I would share it here with you. Considering that boxed broth runs towards $2.50-$3 a box, it's a skill I find worth having.

When I want to make vegetable broth, I begin weeks in advance, really. Don't let this daunt you, though. I have a gallon size Tupperware container that I keep in the freezer and when I'm cooking dinner I simply throw my compost in this container instead of the compost bucket (with the exception of things like onion skins, which I don't think you're supposed to eat). That's right--carrot peelings, potato peelings, celery ends, squash seeds, old spinach and parsley, leek tops--all the things that I would normally stick in the compost pail I put in the Tupperware container. Gross, I know. But before you get all uppity about it, though, I beg you to consider what the manufacturers are using to construct the broth the store sells. I seriously doubt that they're using fresh, virgin produce unspoilt from the dew-kissed garden. Not for broth, my friend. Kind of makes you wonder what they use for the beef broth, eh?

Anyway, when the gallon container gets full, I start thinking about making my broth. When I'm finally ready to proceed, I pull the container out of the freezer, pull my stock pot out of the cupboard, and I'm ready to go. The frozen vegetable matter gets put in the pot and covered with water. I'll swish some water around the container to loosen any parsley leaves or carrot peels that get stuck. Then I put the big pot o' slop on the stove and bring it to a boil. If you want to add something and make this Work, you can peel and quarter and onion or two and toss it in the stew. Now it's time to cook the compost.

Let the veggies simmer for an hour, covered. Then, put a colander into a large bowl. Dump the pot into the colander to strain out your vegetables. Set the stock pot aside.

I like to put a plate on top of the mash to help me press out any extra liquid before I lift the colander out and hand it off to P to take to the compost bin. Then it's back to the stock pot for your broth. Let the broth simmer, uncovered, for another hour. At this point, I sometimes get fancy with the spices and add some pepper. Then it's off of the stove and into some old mason jars. I got the plastic lids you see in the picture at Wal*mart. I'm not sure if they carry them when it's not canning season, but it's worth a look. I let them cool a bit before putting them in my freezer. And then, ta-da! Homemade vegetable broth.

For the record, I think referring to this process as "cooking the compost" is totally hilarious. This is probably because this is exactly what you are doing when you make this recipe. This may be made even funnier for me, though, because Rachel always seems so affronted by my irreverence towards The Broth. One should not take lightly the making of The Broth, you see. It is Serious Business. One must not meddle with The Broth. I don't have the proper consideration and am really not Worthy. Compost, indeed.

In any case, if you want tips on elevating this to an art form, call Rachel. It is not zen-like, but you will get excellent results. Her French garden approach is the complement to my English garden approach. I may not do it as well, but I get it done. And I love getting that extra bit of use from my vegetables before they head off to the compost heap. Tonight I nearly saluted the colander as it made it's way out the door. Well done, my little veggies. You're little lives were not spent in vain. *sniff*

Have a good night! and Thank You, Rachel!

Washing the Diapers

I've been using cloth to diaper my babies for over four years now. Four years seems like a long time. It seemed especially long during the year or so that I had two babies in diapers, but now it seems like it hasn't been so long at all. Especially with Anna on the cusp of potty training (or "potty learning", for you hippies out there), it seems like those years went by very fast.

I was reading Jennie's post about laundry detergent wherein she mentions her Diaper Washing Routine. It got me thinking about how I've changed my diaper washing since I first began when Thomas was little. Here's a gratuitous baby picture:
Here's what I do now: First, I dump the enormous bag of diapers into my washing machine. I run a short cycle in cold water with a dose of detergent (Charlie's Soap, if you're interested, though I've used a little Tide Free lately instead). Then, I run a longer cycle on hot with some more detergent (Charlie's Soap again). If I open the washer at the end of this and it smells a bit still, I'll run another cycle with just a whiff more detergent (though I'll often skip the detergent on this run). I usually only have to run that third cycle if the diapers were very dirty or it had been three days between Wash Days.

What's your Diaper Routine? Do you wash or do you toss?

By the way, here's that little baby today:
He's so smart.

Question for the Knitters

This question is about sock yarn.

I knit a baby sweater out of sock yarn. It's for a friend who needs a low-maintenance quality to her baby clothes, but appreciates the finer qualities of wool. I knit the sweater and now I'm to the blocking phase of the knitting process. I've soaked the wool (I know it can be machine washed, but I wanted the sweater to have that nice lavender scent wool wash has) and now I'm wondering--can I lay it flat to dry or would it be better off if I ran it through the dryer? Does this type of yarn really need to be dried in the machine? I remember reading that superwash wool really needs to be put through the drier so that it will retain its shape.

Can anybody help me?

Also, I'm wondering if anyone knows about the flame-retardant qualities of sock yarn.

Lord, I feel like a nerd.

The Cult of High Ideals

Every parent is an idealist. I think that it takes a certain amount of idealism and, dare I say, optimism to even attempt parenting. You start out in faith, believing that you can have a baby and raise a child and that it will go well. You believe that the odds are in your favor, at the very least. You look around you and see that all sorts of people raise children and have varying amounts of success and believing the best, you begin.

After beginning, you get smacked in the face with a big case of Pragmatism. I have found that Reality, harsh mistress that she is, carries it in her handbag and freely beats new parents about the head with it. You thought parenting would be difficult certainly, but your baby would never have a pacifier. YOUR baby would know nothing but the close, breastfed warmth of a mother's touch. Fast forward to ScreamWatch 2003 when you've sat in sore nipple misery as Colicky Baby #1 decides that nothing will soothe like some recreational sucking. You find yourself wondering how late Target is open and whether you can get there in time if you ignore traffic lights.

Similarly, you firmly believe that your infant would NEVER partake of anything other than homemade, organic baby food puree. Yeah. . . so you see where this is going. And for the most part I have made peace with the compromises I've made during the course of raising these two babies (as far as we've come, at least). Sure, my son clocked some serious pacifier time with his high need to do something, ANYTHING with his mouth--this really hasn't changed, talker that he is--and my daughter never saw a Nuk until I weaned her. I'm ok with that. Many things haven't turned out the way I've expected. Many, many things have been better.

But one thing that I've had a hard time coming to terms with is "Screen Time". We don't have a television, per se. We have a computer set up in the living room that we use to watch movies on. And, theoretically, I can accept a little video time every day for Thomas. He started watching some videos when he turned two and Anna was born. Mostly he watched the same three or four Thomas the Tank Engine movies again and again. He watched about an hour a day, sometimes an hour and a half if I was feeling overwhelmed. For the last 12-18 months, I've scaled it back to a half hour to an hour a day. I've tried to be very selective about the shows he watches. I pick shows that move slowly, tell a story, etc. He watched Mr Rogers for a while, Blue's Clues, and some podcasts about animals and home improvement. The three movies he's seen have been Mary Poppins, Cars, and PollyAnna. Lately we've started watching a video series called Signing Time. Anna has been watching with him.

It's been great, really. Both of the kids have been so excited about learning the different signs. I almost don't even feel bad about letting them watch. But I keep having this nagging, guilty feeling whenever I see them watching a video. It has more to do with my ideals than with what I actually think is appropriate. I worry that letting Thomas play with Google Earth or watch Blue's Clues is going to turn him into a drooling imbecile. I worry that they are going to loose all intellectual curiosity and that they will never learn to enjoy The Magic Flute. I'm afraid that they will grow up to spend their lives on their couches (or mine!) watching hours of daytime television with no end in sight. I feel comfortable with what I'm letting them watch and I almost feel ok about the amount of time they spend in front of a screen. But there's a part of me that wonders if there might be a better way for them to spend their time, even if it's just eating dried Play-dough under the kitchen table.

What do you do with your kids, and why?

Winter Cheer

This is one of those things that you never knew could be so good. Bailey's is alright, I might say, but until I'd had homemade Irish Cream I never understood how good it could be. Rachel and Chris gave us a bottle last year for Christmas and kindly followed it up with a recipe a month later when we found ourselves forlornly holding an empty bottle.

This is strictly a winter treat. We made a batch to celebrate New Year's Eve (or was it Christmas?) and needed to refresh the supply this weekend. I love to have a bit mixed in my hot chocolate. I don't usually fix what isn't broken, but in this case mixing a bit in is all to the good.

More Advice: Or, Why Can't She Keep Her Opinions to Herself?

I have some advice that I want to share. It could go with my previous post as this has to be some of my favorite advice ever. It applies to almost anyone at some time or another. It is almost always useful. And I have a couple of people in my life that I am thinking of as I give it to you all now. Here it is:

Lighten up.

Seriously, let it go. Whatever is happening to you at this moment is not that important. Or, it IS important, but is certainly not as horrible as you think it is.

That person who is bothering you right now probably isn't even trying to piss you off. Sure, it's plain to you that they are being (insert: annoying, irresponsible, inconsiderate, selfish, unreasonable, etc), but it is possible that they aren't intending to bother you (but if they are? Are you going to let them WIN by getting all riled about it?). I promise that most people don't do it intentionally, even if it seems like irritating you is their job.

Most things that happen in this world have nothing to do with you at all, even if you're affected by it.

Brace yourself, dearie, but it could be that you are not just interpreting things in the wrong light, but that you're taking the actions of others TOO PERSONALLY.

Try to throw some Peace out into the world by cutting people a little slack. Quit being so hard on people, just because they are walking in this world. Quit trying to put your seal of "approval" or "disapproval" on everyone you encounter. Give people the benefit of the doubt. That means your spouse, too. Assume the best. Relax. Let go. Slow down. I promise that if you unclench a little that you will become less costive. I promise that it is for the best. You will become a kinder, more generous person. You will invite graciousness into your life. You will become happier and feel less stress. Most of all, you'll be more enjoyable to be around. And who doesn't want that? It's so much better than being right.

Anyway. Maybe this will be helpful advice for some of you, maybe not. Use what you can and throw the rest away.