Monday, February 4, 2008

The Winter of My Discontent

I used to like winter. Love it, really. I went to college in Duluth, Minnesota and never once flinched at a snowdrift, not even when winter was nine months long and the drifts reached the dorm roof. I didn't mind the layers, the bulky clothes, the hats, mittens or any of it. I never really minded the mess that comes from months of dirty snow and salt piling up along roads or crusting up under cars. It just feels good to not be hot. Who could mind a little freezing rain?

And then I had kids. And winter became a whole new ballgame. Yeah, you know what this post is going to be about. It's February. It's time.

This has really been the winter that has made me hate the whole season. This winter will last nine months long, if it doesn't see me in my grave before the end of it. This is the year I've come to understand that Cabinus Feverus is a horrible virus and it can wipe out whole communities. I'm about to paint a black X over my door: "Pass ye not this way". I'd tell you to stick a fork in me, but I'm frozen solid and you'd likely break your fork.

I don't know what the average temperature has been this winter, but it's been hovering around Negative Below Freeze Your Butt Off. I actually feel like I'll never be warm again. Usually in January I start getting sick of being cold and will start nudging the thermostat up a degree or two. This year I haven't bothered because there simply is no hope for frostbitten limbs. I'll simply have to wait for my nose and fingers to fall off like the cat's tail did that one horrible winter back in '88. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been petting her at the time.

The reason the cold has been such an issue this winter is because it's been too cold to send the kids outside. Which means that we're starting ColdWatch: Week 6--weeks and weeks of not. going. outside. for anything but the mail and a quick trip to the grocery store. My children are 2 and 4. I'm not sure I can fully illustrate what this means for them, but for me I can safely say that I most closely resemble a surly black bear covered with the matted hair and filth of a winter's slumber. Only this bear didn't get to hibernate and had to change diapers and entertain whiny cubs instead. Lord, I hate it when the cubs whine.

It's snowing again as luck would have it and I'm about half way out my door now with my hair drier. I need an extention cord first, but I'm going to see if I can do something about the weather. At least you don't have to shovel rain.


I can't say much for their logic, but you can't fault their humor.
Minnesotans for Global Warming

Well, to be fair, it's really just the Global Warming Song video that's actually funny. Though I have no idea why the main guy speaks with a southern accent.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

So this morning, the wind chill is at -40 at my place. Holy God, -40. Good thing it's Sunday I don't have to start the car. I couldn't leave if I wanted to.